


Bittersweet Letters With Bloodstains (Kellic)

by Asking4AHorizon



Series: One-Shots [7]
Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asking4AHorizon/pseuds/Asking4AHorizon
Summary: I gave you my heart, why did you have to throw it away like that?
Relationships: Vic Fuentes/Kellin Quinn
Series: One-Shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726750
Kudos: 7





	Bittersweet Letters With Bloodstains (Kellic)

Vic pov.

I love you. It's simple, really, no magic needed and nothing else, too. But I hate that. I hate you. I hate loving you. I love hating you. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this.

How dare you to come to me after everything? It must have been funny, huh? To mess with my head like this? It must be funny for you to tell me you love me just to be in someone else's arms the very next day. It must be funny to watch the fucking destruction you're causing me. I hope you regret me. I hope that, someday, you'll look back on your life and cringe at the memories, I hope you'll feel uncomfortable over the very mention of my name. I motherfucking hate you.

You told me before that you never meant to hurt me, remember? You told me that I was beautiful and that you couldn't imagine a future without me. I was stupid, too. To believe in you. You've always been a sweet talker, always had a way with your words. I guess that's how you got me hooked first place. Your gentle, pretty words and the way you looked at me. But now I can really see the truth. You've never really loved me, have you? You've never really felt the raw emotion for me. No, I realize now that you loved the idea of me, the thought of being loved and never being alone. I hope you're lonely right now. I hope that you can't fall asleep at night because you can't get me out of your head. I hope that you're suffering without me. I know that's sweet wishing, probably too sweet to be true, since you already got someone new. That's nothing new, now, is it? You were never really alone. Never. You always had someone on your arms, always telling them the same sweet bullshit you used to tell me. Oh, I love you! Oh, I can't live without you, I can't see my future without you, I need you! You are a motherfucking liar. I bet you wouldn't even care if I really took my life right now.

You know, something I regret deeply is opening up to you. I've told you things I didn't even dare to let myself know, I showed you the entire me. I was fucking dumb. I regret most the time where I told you the truth, that I wasn't as fine as I seemed. I broke down. You held me. I hate you. I never dared to break down on my own, but you? You managed to morph so deep into my soul that you could reach parts of myself that not even I could. You reached my heart. Congratulations, you broke it. I regret showing you my scars, I regret letting you know how self-destructive I was. Am. I never really stopped, you know? But it got worse. When you left me, it got worse, I did too. And when you declared your love for someone else a week after you broke up with me... Oh god, the carped is still smells like vodka and it still has dry blood in it. And I was still there for you. Stupid, idiotic me.

I helped you. When your new fuck toy dumped your pathetic ass, I was there to pull you out from your hole. But I shouldn't have, because I didn't even realise that I sank deeper helping you up. And now that I'm drowning, I can finally see. 

You make me want to kill myself just for the fucking fun.

Two months after the break-up you supposedly came clean. You claimed to love me and that leaving me was the biggest mistake of your life. I fucking hated your words because they warmed my heart. And I was so fucking blind. I ignored people's warning that you were just using me and that you are an asshole. I wish I had listened to my mama when she said that you were shitty. She was right, after all, she always is. I took you back. Why the fuck did I do that? What the fuck was wrong with me? Oh, Kellin... Go fuck yourself. 

And the past repeated itself. You found someone new once again. And the stupid, fuck up over here? Fuck me, am I right? Who gives a shit about the side bitch? I guess that I'm nothing now. Or maybe I am, once your new lover leaves you for somebody better, you'll want to come back crawling. But you know what? You won't be able to do that. Why, you ask? Because I'll be too busy and dirty. I'll be six feet under soon enough.

You know, now I have pills enough. I've been saving them up for a while now, a few months. It sucks that people started noticing it. It sucks that you started noticing it. Always pretending to worry, always pretending to care. Fuck you. Do you think you can fool me a third time? Do you really think I'm that stupid? Of course you think so. I'm somewhat glad you think so. It means that I haven't really let you know the entire me. I'm glad I could still save a part of myself for me. Or not. Maybe I should have saved a better part instead of the selfish one, instead of the one that simply doesn't care anymore. But you know what? Fuck it. I wonder how you'll react? How you'll feel when you're being told of what I am about to do when just this morning I told you that I was fine, how you'll feel when you hear that I took my own life. I hope you feel pain. I hope you fucking suffer. I hope you wish that you have never met me. I hope I take part of you with me.

I also wonder if my father will know. I wonder if he'll care, too, if he'll feel sorry for the shit he's done and said. I hope he hates himself for everything. I also hope that the motherfuckers who made fun of me feel regret for telling me to kill myself. I guess I've always been already dead, just differently. I wish that everyone fucking suffers over my death. Everyone but my momma. She's the only one that should be protected from it. She's amazing. It's just a shame that she ended up with the fucking failure that I became. She deserves better. Mike does too. He deserves a better brother, someone who'll be there for him. I hope he gets over it quickly. He deserves the best. But I don't want to think about them, not right now. Not when I'm dumping an entire bottle of medicine on my mouth and chugging whiskey down, not when I'm losing my senses, not when I'm slipping away. No, I want to think about myself. I want to be a little selfish. I already am, I guess. I've always heard that suicide was a selfish, coward thing. Guess what? So am I. I don't care what they'll say either. I know they'll talk shit, I know it. Fuck them. I don't care. I... Never really did. Until you showed up. I hate you and I hate how I feel myself tearing up, I hate the tears cascading down my cheeks. I hate how I lay on my back on the very same ground that you held me all the time, I hate that you tried to be here for me after you crushed me. I hope I crush you just as much, if not worse. I hate you and love you at the same time, just like I do with the feeling of my last shaky breath, just as I do with the feeling of my life leaving my body. I hate you just as much as I hate myself.


End file.
